European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun
vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas!!!!!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
European Commission's new Language!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Left-handers Rock!
Finally! I came across a website that acknowledges the difficulties (we lefties) experience using daily tools. I always wondered why it was so annoying using regular scissors – apparently they were designed for right-handed people. Not only was it scissors, I recall university desks, even pens!
I know, it sounds silly, how would a pen make a difference, it’s a pen, I didn’t believe it till I accidently saw a “weird” looking pen that I wanted to check out, then I realized it was designed for “lefties”. What a joy that was, and believe me, there IS a difference!
Well, some left handed people became very popular in various fields, like Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Amitabh Bachchan, Robert DeNiro, Joan of Arc, Barak Obama, Angelina Jolie…. Etc. This website gives a nice list:
http://www.indiana.edu/~primate/left.html
So to all fellow left-handers, check out this website:
http://www.anythingleft-handed.co.uk/
I know it is based in UK, but they do deliver to North America.
And check this out: http://www.lefthandersday.com/
Apparently August 13th is a lefthander’s celebration day of their right to be left handed ;-)
Sunday, November 9, 2008
2D Dancers!!!
I came across this clip among my files, unfortunately I do not remember where I got it from or what they are advertising, but I thought it was hillarious and worth sharing...
Enjoy ;-)
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
The Programmer's Quick Guide to the Languages (contributed by Paul Tomblin)
The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're currently using.
This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma.
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyways because you have no exception-handling capability.
Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.
COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN,
AIM gun at LEG.FOOT,
THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE.
THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER.
CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.
LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you.
BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Visual Basic: You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.
HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.
Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
Unix:
% ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls %
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.
Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.
Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet-thingies are for.
Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
JAVA: You attempt to shoot yourself in the foot using a bullet that will work in any gun in the world. But you discover that the "Microsoft Gun" is actually a cross bow.
This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma.
TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyways because you have no exception-handling capability.
Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.
COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN,
AIM gun at LEG.FOOT,
THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE.
THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER.
CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.
LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you.
BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Visual Basic: You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.
HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.
Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
Unix:
% ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls %
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.
Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.
Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet-thingies are for.
Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
JAVA: You attempt to shoot yourself in the foot using a bullet that will work in any gun in the world. But you discover that the "Microsoft Gun" is actually a cross bow.
Difference between men and women!
TWO WOMEN TALKING: ==================================
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
NOW TWO MEN TALKING ======================================
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
NOW TWO MEN TALKING ======================================
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah
Iraqi Contractor !!!
تم طرح مناقصة لصيانة سور البيت الابيض تقدم مقاول امريكي و مكسيكي و عراقي للمناقصة .
الامريكي اخد مقاسات السور و تقدم بسعر 900 دولار سأله مسئول البيت الابيض: ليش 900 دولار؟ قال : 400 دولار مواد + 400 دولار عمالة و 100 دولار فائدتي .
و المكسيكي اخد مقاسات السور و تقدم ب 700 دولار للمناقصة لما سأله قال: 300 دولار مواد + 300 دولار عمالة و 100 دولار فائدتي
اما العراقي فبدون ما ياخد أي مقاسات راح لمسئول البيت الابيض وهمس في أذنه: أنا سعري 2700 دولار .. مسئول البيت الابيض صرخ فيه: انت مجنون ليش 2700 دولار؟
اما العراقي فبدون ما ياخد أي مقاسات راح لمسئول البيت الابيض وهمس في أذنه: أنا سعري 2700 دولار .. مسئول البيت الابيض صرخ فيه: انت مجنون ليش 2700 دولار؟
رد عليه العراقي بكل برود وبهمس شديد: طول بالك اخوية ... 1000 دولار لك...... و1000 دولار لي ........ و نخلي المكسيكي يسوي الشغل. وفاز العراقي بالمناقصة
الازمة المالية
:يُروى أن خبيراً مالياً سئل أن يبسط للناس العاديين أسباب الكارثة الحاصلة في أسواق البورصة فقال لهم
إن رجلاً ذهب إلى قرية نائية،عارضاً على سكانها شراء كل حمار لديهم بعشرة دولارات. فباع قسم كبيرمنهم حميرهم.
بعدها رفع السعرإلى 15دولار فباع آخرون. فرفع سعره إلى ثلاثين، حتى نفدت الحمير من لدى أهل القرية. عندها قال
لهم: أدفع 50 دولاراً لقاء الحمار الواحد. وذهب لتمضية نهاية الأسبوع في المدينة فجاء مساعده عارضاً على أهل القرية
أن يبيعهم حميرهم السابقة بأربعين دولاراً للحمار الواحد، على أن يبيعوهامجدّداً لمعلمه بخمسين يوم الاثنين فدفعوا كل
مدّخراتهم ثمناً لحميرهم ومن لا يملك مال اقترض واستدان علي أمل تحقيق مكسب سريع ، وبعدها لم يرو الشاري ولا
مساعده أبداا ًجاء الأسبوع التالي،
أن يبيعهم حميرهم السابقة بأربعين دولاراً للحمار الواحد، على أن يبيعوهامجدّداً لمعلمه بخمسين يوم الاثنين فدفعوا كل
مدّخراتهم ثمناً لحميرهم ومن لا يملك مال اقترض واستدان علي أمل تحقيق مكسب سريع ، وبعدها لم يرو الشاري ولا
مساعده أبداا ًجاء الأسبوع التالي،
! وفي القرية أمران: ديون، وحمير
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Yes, we CAN!
Well, I was never interested in politics, despite knowing how important it is, and how it affects our lives.
In the East, people don’t vote, till recently (I might add)!
I guess what annoys me most is what I perceive as a hugh waste of time and energy into political analysis, especially after the sanctions and wars in Iraq. I am amazed at the number of political analysts whom showed up out of the blue during that time. It seems to me like they had nothing else to do or worry about, as everyone was generously giving their opinion (whether they really had the proper training and experience to do so or not - and most of them did not).
I truly do not mean to be disrespectful to eligible political analysts though, but to me, and at that time, it was all talk no walk. What’s worse is that it divided people. They became so passionate about attacking each other, he said, she said… hmmm…. Let me back up a bit here, probably we haven’t reached the ‘she said’ stage yet in the East! (Wishful thinking ;-)
I mean if people invested all these years of arguing and fighting into something useful, let’s say science for example, I think we would be running space shuttles by now, from Baghdad! I know we have the brains for it; unfortunately we are being conveniently distracted. Ah well, it is only me, I know many people still prefer politics…..
The West is a total different story; voting is a wonderful and valuable privilege, however, I always wondered how people ended up at times voting for the wrong candidates, but then having to live in the West and being exposed to their media, that really helped me understand where each party stands, and how East and West have many different and wrongful ideas about each other, unfortunately…
Well, so why write now, why today? Hmm, Obama just got elected as the 44th president of USA. Despite my humble and distant relation to politics, I feel that this is a good choice, hopefully to the better, not only to USA, but to the whole world! I mean c’mon, I think the whole world deserves a break!
What I like most about this election is, it is a sweet reminder that nothing is impossible once you put your heart and hard work into it, and this is exactly what I need to be reminded of frequently, to keep me alive and moving forward…
In the East, people don’t vote, till recently (I might add)!
I guess what annoys me most is what I perceive as a hugh waste of time and energy into political analysis, especially after the sanctions and wars in Iraq. I am amazed at the number of political analysts whom showed up out of the blue during that time. It seems to me like they had nothing else to do or worry about, as everyone was generously giving their opinion (whether they really had the proper training and experience to do so or not - and most of them did not).
I truly do not mean to be disrespectful to eligible political analysts though, but to me, and at that time, it was all talk no walk. What’s worse is that it divided people. They became so passionate about attacking each other, he said, she said… hmmm…. Let me back up a bit here, probably we haven’t reached the ‘she said’ stage yet in the East! (Wishful thinking ;-)
I mean if people invested all these years of arguing and fighting into something useful, let’s say science for example, I think we would be running space shuttles by now, from Baghdad! I know we have the brains for it; unfortunately we are being conveniently distracted. Ah well, it is only me, I know many people still prefer politics…..
The West is a total different story; voting is a wonderful and valuable privilege, however, I always wondered how people ended up at times voting for the wrong candidates, but then having to live in the West and being exposed to their media, that really helped me understand where each party stands, and how East and West have many different and wrongful ideas about each other, unfortunately…
Well, so why write now, why today? Hmm, Obama just got elected as the 44th president of USA. Despite my humble and distant relation to politics, I feel that this is a good choice, hopefully to the better, not only to USA, but to the whole world! I mean c’mon, I think the whole world deserves a break!
What I like most about this election is, it is a sweet reminder that nothing is impossible once you put your heart and hard work into it, and this is exactly what I need to be reminded of frequently, to keep me alive and moving forward…
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